Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wednesday Woo-Flop, I'm Tired.

Well, I almost didn't woo-hoo today. It was kind of a crapper of a day (no, this is not a reference to my toilet adventures) and I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with many, many, many things. Ah, but if one can still find joy and laugh, that is half the battle. So here we go, better late than never!

Woo-hoo that I caught the yard on fire today - and got it put out before anything disastrous happened. As you might guess, I am in the drought area and I didn't listen to reason or my husband and somehow, after ten minutes of watching my trash burn (that's how we handle our trash here at Chez Brown, burn or recycle everything), I thought it was fine and came inside. Ah so, it was not so.

My daughter came flying downstairs screaming, "Mom, the whole yard's on fire!" - which was not true, but sent mad panic through every fiber of my being until I saw it for myself. It was only a small section, but by God's grace and mercy I got it put out quickly and with little fanfare.

My husband is embarrassed of the "evidence" and has instructed me to "take care of it" tomorrow. This sounds like a bad Mafia scene. It could have looked like a bad Mafia scene, too, because I nearly parked a car right where the fire burned, and the car would have caught fire and exploded very dramatically, I'm sure, because that is my luck, that's why.

We ran out of water (we're on a well) as I sprayed the last of the smoking grass. Woo-Hoo that it was just enough ;0)

Woo-Hoo that my numbers here at Everyday Underwear continue to rise and that I have the most wonderful followers! This week, I tweaked the Top Followers widget and made it a little more difficult for you to get top billing. It is now counting comments from all time, not just the last 30 days. So if you're going to be top dog and highlighted weekly, you're going to have to comment and interact often with posts. Glorifying this week's queens and kings:
Did you make the cut? Some of my favorite peeps are on this list! I loves ya, peeps! Two men on the list this week - go testosterone! Some competition for you, ladies!

Woo-Hoo that I am surviving this exhaustion of just being too dang busy. It's a good problem to have, but I'm tired. I've taken on a job helping care for an elderly neighbor of my in-laws' and it is too much time out of my week, even though I am happy to take on the work. It is temporary, so that is the good thing. I love the lady to pieces, but my schedule was already too busy. We sacrifice for those we care about and that is good.

I think I have my virus problems (computer, not funky rash) fixed. Please remember to alert me if you see any spam from me - unless it is in a can and comes by snail mail, then I might have done it on purpose. Probably not, but you never know about me and my weird sense of humor. Potted meat-stuffs just could be in my humor range, I'm not sure.

I also think I've put a stop to my blog trying to post a spam link. I'm swimming in a sea of new passwords and no living being can copy anything off my blog without my permission, not even me! Now that's security when you have to go and lock your own self out of being able to do harm.

Woo-skkjxkjfjdiadlksdf.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry! I fell asleep on the keyboard there for a second. G'nite, friends! It's time to rest this weary head.

Monday, July 23, 2012

When life gives you lemons, make a vase out of a toilet brush holder!

I cleaned the toilet recently. I could exaggerate and tell you that I wait until I worry that my under-carriage might be vulnerable to attack from angry toilet bacteria before I clean it, but that's not true. That would be my kids' toilet upstairs. Up there, be afraid. Be very afraid. Mine, eh, it's not too bad usually.

This time, however, it needed a good scrubbing down in the man-hole. I grabbed my trusty scrubber and began giving the porcelain throne what-for when all of a sudden, in the heat of the battle... it broke. The scrubber head broke clean off and I was left with a useless stick.

To make matters worse, the scrubby part was stuck firmly in the hole. I knew because I poked it and tried to dislodge it with the useless stick, of course.

I pondered what to do for a moment and had a clear vision (it was a light bulb moment, really) of what I should do, complete with rubber gloves and pliers. I wasted no time. I did what women are widely known to do. I changed my mind and did something else instead. "Oh, the heck with it!' 

I plunged my hand into the water, grabbed the toilet brush and pulled it out, which took mere seconds. I washed my hands and was not the least bit grossed out. I had already done an initial clean-n-flush, washing away any truly nasty stuff anyway, so I knew it was pretty clean.

There was no frustrating search for the pliers, which would include cursing at the junk drawer when I couldn't find them. There was no looking for rubber gloves, only to find that I have two left hands for some reason and no right hand. I felt good about the decision.

Now, understand that I am not one to waste anything. I had this lovely toilet brush container to do something with, so I decided to improvise.

I went out and cut some fresh weeds (my husband swears they are flowers, but I disagree) and made my useless toilet brush container into a lovely vase. I'm quite pleased with myself. Really! That container was too expensive to waste and too pretty, in my opinion.

I told my husband I was going to do a post about my resourcefulness and he said, "Great. Look everybody, here's our germ-infested toilet vase!" He's so supportive of my craft.

I think the Queen Anne's Lace, Cattails, and Chicory look fabulous. What do you think of my weed arrangement?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Sing it, Sammy! I Can't Drive... 42 in a 30, According to the PoPo.

First, a note that due to an unfortunate hacking incident this week, there will be no Wednesday Woo-Hoo. I am just too far behind on life and you don't need more woo-hoo from me, you need more entertainment! My ratio is getting skewed. By now, you're probably reading those things going, "Blah, blah, blah - yah, yah, yadda - we know... you're frickin' awesome - AGAIN, Cindy, we know all about the awards and features already. Sheesh!"

And I agree. I'm sick of my own woo-hooiness. Therefore, any woo-hoos will be saved for next week and I think my spam problem is fixed. Please let me know if any of you receive spam from me, my blog, or my e-mail. Oh, and please don't make me cry like that one guy did. People can be so mean! I have feelings, here, you know.

So, let me get back to stark reality here. Last Wednesday morning was a rough one. I was up very late working on my computer, like 2 a.m. late, and my husband's alarm goes off around 4:30 a.m. I have to roust him out of bed almost every day and that day, I couldn't roust him because I myself apparently did not become rousted by the alarm either. My husband missed his carpool and had to drive himself and was late for work.

Then my daughter had cheer practice at 7 a.m. You heard me right. We live way out of town and have to leave at 6:30 a.m. to get her there early. She needs to get up at 5:00 to get ready. I had gotten up and made sure she was up to get ready and then I laid back down. I honestly was so tired, I felt like I had a hangover. At least there was no tiger in the bathroom, but seriously, that's about how tired I felt - as though I had tied a good one on the night before.

I overslept by about five minutes and usually my daughter is in my face if I am not ready to go. Not that day! She had gone back to bed and wasn't even ready. We both frantically grabbed things. She got ready in the car on the way to town and I didn't brush my hair or teeth and hadn't put on a bra. I just threw a jacket over the shirt I had slept in and we ran out the door. I couldn't wait to get back home and go back to bed.

I was literally a few blocks from my destination when I glanced in my rear view mirror. I saw this:

At first glance, I thought, "Uh-oh, emergency lights! I'd better get out of the way." Then I realized it wasn't an ambulance, but a police cruiser, a.k.a. "The PoPo." Then I realized he didn't need me to get out of the way for an emergency, he needed me to pull over so he could speak to me about - well, something.

I hadn't been pulled over in many, many, many years and I had kind of forgotten what the protocol was. I took my seat belt off and prepared to get out and greet him and then realized I wasn't supposed to do that. So then my seat belt was off and I was afraid I'd get a ticket for that, even though I had it on to begin with. I was scared that if he saw me put it back on, he'd think I was just now putting it on. I left it off and said a little prayer.

He walked up (finally) and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I really didn't, but I was hoping I had a tail light out. "I really don't," I sheepishly replied. "Was I speeding?"

He pointed behind him, quite agitated, and spat a little too loudly, "Didn't you see me back there?"

I hadn't. Not at all. I can't lie, so I said, "No, I'm sorry, I really didn't."

"Running late for something?" he asked.

"Yes, my daughter has to be at cheer practice at 7:00 and we overslept. How fast was I going?"

"Forty-two in a thirty. Did you know that was a thirty mile an hour zone?"

"No, I sure didn't," I honestly replied.

"License and proof of insurance and I'll write you a warning," he said.

I swear, on any normal day, my license would be right on top, but noooo. I had to dig and dig and finally take all of my cards out to find it and my daughter had trouble finding the insurance card in the glove box. Of all days! I really must get more organized. "I'm going to jail..." I thought.

I was proud of myself for not shaking uncontrollably, crying like I did the first time I got pulled over at 17 years old, or cursing. Wow, I really had matured over the years! I was so proud...

I had come to the realization while he was doing his thing that I looked like a hot mess. Good lord, I not only felt hung over, I looked hung over! No makeup, not bathed, and no bra! Yes, I have ample boobage, but unbridled melons are not a pretty sight at 42 unless I'm naked, which I wasn't, so that wasn't going to help me. I pulled the jacket tightly closed and hoped he wouldn't make me stand up. Thankfully, he didn't.

He handed me - nothing. He started to walk away with a kind word and warning to slow it down and I said, "Aren't you going to give me a copy of the warning?"

He said, "No, not unless you want one."

I said, "Well, I'm a great record keeper, but if you say I don't need one, just keep it!" I had always received a copy of my warnings/tickets. Granted, there haven't been many. My driving record is pretty good. I even get those special thingies from my insurance saying how great of a driver I am, accident and ticket free and all. But... there's always a but, now isn't there?

Ever since we moved to the middle of nowhere from the middle of somewhere two years ago, I haven't felt "under the law." I know, it sounds strange, but we are so far in the boonies that I honestly felt a little above-the-law-Deliverance-ignorance going on. When we lived in somewhere, I followed every law of driving to the letter! All except for driving with my knees sometimes, which is a special skill I possess.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like wearing my seat belt all the time anymore. I didn't feel like paying attention to speed limits. I felt free! I hadn't been bothered by the cops either -- until last Wednesday when my reign of lackadaisical behavior came to a screeching halt. Dang you, reality! How dare you screw up my fantasy?

So, back to miss goody-two-shoes I go! Seat belt always in place. Speed limit closely watched (thirty miles an hour ought to be illegal - sooooo slow), and looking out for the PoPo. I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. I'm a frickin' famous blogger, mister badge! Oh, how I make myself LOL... My fame didn't save my daughter either. She had to run laps for being late to cheer practice.

This Wednesday, I want a do-over!

When was the last time you got slapped on the wrist by the PoPo and how did you react?

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Don't Do a Damn Thing Award - Syndicated on BlogHer

Syndicated on
Hello, friends. I know the majority of you have already heard me Woo-Hoo this news, but today is the big day when I get my post about blog awards [note: they changed the name slightly] featured and syndicated on the front page of I am so thrilled to have been given this opportunity! I consider it a great honor to have been chosen.

If you would do me the favor of visiting the link, it would be much appreciated and of course, if you have time to leave a comment on BlogHer stating your thoughts, that would be wonderful!

Thank all of you so much for supporting my blog. I have had the most wonderful week and it's all thanks to you, my readers. I appreciate you more than you know!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wednesday Woo-Hoo - Oh mah gah, it continues!

So many things to Woo-Hoo again! I received another new award, the Illuminating Blogger Award (<--visit this link to learn all about the award - it's a little different), from Lisa Thomson at Lisa Thomson Live. Lisa has a book and blog for divorce support and this was her first award (hard to believe!) , which I am very happy to accept. Thank you, Lisa!

"One random fact about myself" is the requirement for this award: I ate three boxes of Snyder's Sourdough Hard Pretzels this week. It was kind of a binge. Pretzels are one of my favorite snacks, and those are the bomb!

I pass this award on to just one blogger (yep, that's me - rule breaker!), Trisha Faye at So Many Books, So Little Time who has the most "illuminating" blog I know of because she gives you a reason to celebrate each and every day. Check her out, you'll see what I mean!

I got featured as Blog of the Day on 7/3/12 by Blog PR Wire and they wrote a very nice review of my site. They, like BlogHer and the rest of the blogging planet, appreciate the Don't Do A Damn Thing Award piece and gave it the respect it deserves.

Therefore, congratulations,! You are the first official recipient of the award. Ask (while giving a lovely review to a stranger) and ye shall receive, eh? Toot your horn... aaaaand ready, set, go! The requirements are:

  1. Accept it
  2. Do nothing
  3. Take a nap

After your nap, don't answer any questions or tell anyone anything about yourself. Add a chocolate or alcoholic perk if you're so inclined. Pass it on to someone - when and if you feel like it. Oh, and smile and sigh like you're really happy - a lot, just to make other blogs jealous.

Another Woo-Hoo, I was also featured on the front page of The Lunch Break Blog on 7/9/12 with my post The Art of the Smile - Would You Like Happiness with That? Check it out if you missed it.

My first guest post appeared on RachelintheOC. I'm happy that I was able to show another side of my writing. Yes, I can do that! And I am fine, recovered, healed, and have a wonderful husband now to make up for all of that mess I wrote about, so it's all good, people. Don't worry about me, I'm fine! Many thanks to Rachel, who made me feel like a rock star with her descriptions of my writing. Love you, girl! xoxo And the response has been phenomenal! Many women messaging me privately and sharing their stories, thanking me, telling me I'm brave. The amount of re-Tweets of my story blows my mind! I am expecting Oprah to call any minute, LOL!

Also, my Everyday Underwear blog is now officially available on Kindle Publishing as a subscription purchase. Get it delivered to your Kindle for a monthly fee of .99 cents and I will make enough for a piece of bubble gum. No, no, no... not a whole pack, but a piece, at least. Purchase for Kindle here ;0) I already have one subscriber! Okay, I admit it... it's my mother.

Also, I'd like to request that if you are a regular reader of Everyday Underwear (I'm looking at you, listed people from the next paragraph), please do me the honor of writing a review of my blog on Amazon. There are a couple on there already (one is not my mother, nor have I met the person). You don't have to subscribe on Kindle to the blog in order to do that, you only have to have an Amazon account. I will thank you and my Everyday Underwear thanks you! If you have a book I'm reading, I will review it as well when I am through reading it.

Woo-Hoo that YOU will now get a Woo-Hoo every Wednesday, too! I have decided that as a way to honor my Top Everyday Underwear Commentators every week, I will take a screenshot of my top peeps each weekend and put it in my weekly Wednesday Woo-Hoo! You'll be famous-ish! All you have to do is comment often and ta-da... you get your name up in lights. I hope to tweak this feature, but in the meantime, it's my way of saying thank you and I love you back ;0) As of this past Saturday, these were my top peeps, but look and see if YOUR name is there today!

Also this week, I found that people actually take me seriously. What I mean is that people seem to think I'm more important than I think I am. I get all kinds of people saying, "Don't forget us little people!" and "Will you be my mentor?" and "You're my blogging hero!" At first, I said pshaw to all of the flattery, but as I think about it, I realize that I need to take that as a sign. I think I might just be pretty good after all at this writing thing. I am learning to embrace and accept the praise and use it for the good of all mankind. Okay, that's a little overboard. Some of mankind. Okay, you people. LOL, I love you all... and good night, Everyday Underwearians!

Monday, July 9, 2012

A Serious Side to Everyday Underwear - My First Guest Post

As you know, Everyday Underwear does have a serious side. We all live real lives and have real tragedies that occur within them. I have always planned to write about mine. Now that I'm officially titled a "writer," it's time.

My hope is not to just air my dirty laundry for all to see. My hope is that by talking about these things, someone else will be able to face their own fears, pain, and be able to unravel the ins-and-outs and loose threads of who they are.

In counseling, I realized just how much this one event shaped my entire existence. I proudly share with you my very first guest post about rape. I am warning you that if you are a sensitive or young reader, this might not be good subject matter for you. It isn't a humor piece, although I think the last line is pretty funny.

This subject matter will be in a book someday. I haven't written it. I don't have a book deal, agent, or publisher for this. It's just an idea that will someday soon flow from my fingertips along with my humorous content. If it weren't for humor, I honestly couldn't have made it through life and I will never stop writing humorous content, have no fear!

From my dear friend, Rachel Thompson's blog,, I present:

Bad Things Come in Threes

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Wednesday Woo-Hoo: Syndicated on BlogHer!

Well, this week has certainly been one to Woo to the capital Hoo!

By the way, happy 4th to everyone! Hope everybody has a safe and happy holiday. My husband and kids get the day off from all activities and work, so it will be a hump-day off for all of us. No alarm clock! Woo-Hoo!

I got confirmation that my work has been accepted for/will be published in a book. I can't talk about the book yet, but it's a very exciting opportunity for me to get some "street cred," I like to call it.

The way it happened was unbelievably cool, too. You, as writers, know how difficult it is to make it as a writer. To be truly effective and get your work noticed, you have to be out there networking, researching, and utilizing every resource to promote yourself - all while not ticking people off in the process.

I have been working my buns off with my writing pursuits and every spare second is spent doing something related to writing. So I said a little prayer the other night, "God, bring an opportunity to me. Then I'll know it's a God thing."

No sooner had the prayer been sent up and I noticed a comment thread on a popular networking site asking, "How do you write funny?" I commented that I believe honesty is appreciated in humor writing and that I had made someone spew coffee with one of my posts. Someone shot back almost immediately with, "Can I take a look at that piece?" I shot the link off and the reply that came back nearly floored me.

"I just happen to be doing a book on that very subject. I like the piece. If my partner likes it also, we might be able to use it in the book." God? Really? Really. Really!!! Yes, really. And my piece was chosen despite another "that can only be God" obstacle.

It was pretty dang cool. Word!

That right there is a big enough Woo-Hoo, but then I had another Woo-Hoo slap me upside the head. I got an e-mail out of the blue that one of my posts that you all know and love, the Don't Do a Damn Thing Award was chosen to be syndicated on BlogHer! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I literally screamed at the computer as though it had attacked me.

I was so shocked that it took me nearly an hour before I could respond to the e-mail and you could not have wiped the big, fat, juicy grin off my face with a ShamWow.

Just in case you're a blogger who lives under a rock, BlogHer is "the largest community of women who blog: 40 million unique visitors per month." To say that I am flattered is an understatement! It may be old hat to you and perhaps you've had pieces syndicated on BlogHer many times, but I have not. I just started submitting my work recently, so I was shocked to be selected so soon.

I'm a nobody (and I don't mean that in an, "I have no self-esteem" way, but really, I just started out!) so I can't wait to see what those two things mean for my writing career. I will be promoting that link on 7/12/12 when it goes live, plus I get to put the bling badge on my blog so I can show that I have been syndicated on BlogHer. I want to put it on there right now! Patience... I need patience. Patience is a virtue... ACK! So excited!
Syndicated on

Also, don't forget that I have a guest post going up on Rachel Thompson's site, on 7/8/12, which is this Sunday. Rachel is the Amazon Bestselling author of A Walk in the Snark and The Mancode: Exposed. I consider it a great honor to call Rachel my writing friend and am so thankful that she has taken this little bird under her wing. Again, I'm excited to see what her promotion of me does to my little old bloggity-blog.

Rachel is gearing up for her nonfiction essay collection, Broken Pieces, a departure from her humor writing. In that vein, she is requesting that people guest posting on her site dig deep and she asked me for a serious piece. So I gave her one. Oh yeah, I can be serious, too. You will be surprised! Disclaimer: Don't read it if you don't want to know disturbing personal facts about me. Oh wait, you read my blog, so you already do... ;0) I hope you like the piece. Rachel is also working oChickspeak: Uncovered, part 3: The Chronicles of Snark (obviously humor).

Well, that's all for now, folks! Woo-Hoooooo to youuuuuuu!

Monday, July 2, 2012

The Art of The Smile - Would You Like Happiness With That?

Do you make a conscious effort to smile? I'm not talking about when you actually have something to smile about. I'm talking about when there's nothing in particular to smile about and you do it anyway. If you aren't doing it, you should be. Let me explain.

I had an epiphany recently. I was rushing through my day, completely ignoring humanity in general, when I utilized a drive-thru restaurant facility to quick-quick-hurry-get-some-food. I pulled through the first window, handed over my money like a drone on auto-pilot, retrieved my receipt with a general look of "who gives a crap" on my face, and headed to the second window to pick up my food.

Somewhere, between the first and second window came the epiphany, an appetizer to the Big Mac, if you will. It suddenly dawned on me that I wasn't being friendly.

I felt like Adam & Eve in the garden, suddenly naked. I felt a sudden twinge of... of... guilt! Why, I hadn't even bothered to look at the face of the person taking my money. And I certainly hadn't smiled at her and been friendly. All of a sudden, I was ashamed of myself. I could do better! And I should! There was no reason not to do better, for the good of all humanity, or at least the good of the drive-thru workers.

For all I knew, one of them could be suicidal, clinically depressed, or just having a crappy day. And me coming through the line, thoroughly indifferent and normal... well, that was not going to help anybody.

So when I got to the second window, I looked the lady directly in the eye and said, "Hello," as she handed me my food. I smiled. On purpose. At her. Not only that, but when she was through handing me my food, I looked her in the eye again and said, "Thank you! You have a wonderful day!" I smiled again. On purpose.

The experiment was going well. I received a response that was similar to what I projected. Smile. Happy. Nice. Repeat!

Since it went so well at the drive-thru, I decided to try my experiment at Wal-Mart. I went through the checkout and addressed the checker with genuine friendliness. Again, I smiled and thanked her and told her to have a wonderful day. This was awesome. You'd think I was the one providing the service!

And there was Ian, the subject of the My Love/Hate Relationship with Wal-Mart post, right at the next register, reminding me that I was doing the right thing and I should be proud of myself.

I was on fire! Watch me burn, baby.

On the way out the door, I got totally crazy. I started smiling at strangers. Now, I think it's very nice to do this and most people smiled back, but here's a list of commentary I think may have been going through their minds:

  1. Do I know her?
  2. Does she think she knows me?
  3. That lady must have something wrong with her, smiling at random strangers. That's not right.
  4. Why is she smiling? Did she just fart?
  5. What's wrong? Is there something on my face?
  6. What's wrong with that lady? Does she want to kidnap my children?
  7. Is that girl high?
  8. That lady is waaaayyyy too happy.
  9. (Male) Is she flirting with me? I am having a pretty good hair day.
  10. (Female) Is she flirting with me? She must be a lesbian.
I challenge you to smile at somebody you wouldn't normally smile at today, say a kind thing, and see if you get a free order of happiness with that effort.

What does this smile say to you?