Thursday, January 31, 2013

Sexy Body, Where Are You?

Well, well, well… it seems that I am suddenly important enough to get free stuff (very few good offers for this) and be constantly bombarded with requests for guest posts (will I do them AND will I host them?) and for this I am thankful, even though it is time consuming and requires a lot of research on my part.

There have been a couple of opportunities lately which are right up my alley and I wanted to start talking about anyway on my blog, so rock and roll. Here we go! Everyone repeat my battle cry!


Creative Bioscience has given me an opportunity to try their diet & weight loss supplements for 90 days for free if I will talk about it. Just so happens that:
  1. I am on a quest for health recently since I am feeling much better.
  2. I could use a jump start.
  3. I researched the company and found them to be legit and I found one product on the shelf at CVS (however, not at my hometown Wal-Mart or Walgreens) which made me feel better.
  4. Um, free.
  5. I get to be HONEST (you know I’m all about that) about my experience with the products and then I get to give away products to my readers as well at the end!
Did you catch that last thing? I get the products for free and then I get to give them to you for free! We all win.

I have chosen to try 3 different products instead of one product for 3 months and tell you what I think of each as I try them:

Raspberry Ketone Plus
African Mango 1200
hCG Zero Capsules

I have a weight loss goal of 30 pounds. I have already begun an exercise program and it and a few dietary changes have bagged seven pounds already, so I’m excited to see what some supplementation will do. That’s weighing first thing in the morning, naked, after I’ve peed, by the way.

You can apply for this challenge as well if you are a blogger with enough traffic. Please follow this link for more information:

If I like the stuff, I’ll be letting you know. If I don’t like the stuff, I’ll be letting you know. I’m all about natural options, so I’ve chosen hormone and stimulant free versions where possible.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sports Mom Blues

I dislike sports. The only reason I ever attended a game of any kind was easily attributed to one of several factors:
  1. A friend wanted to go.
  2. There was a cute guy there I wanted to see.
  3. I was in band, so I had to play for the games.
  4. My dad took me.
  5. My kid is in a sport.
Sigh. Enter the gates of hell.

I am not one of those parents who screams at full vocal throttle for their kid. I go and support my young 'un, but I don't travel to all the out of town games nor do I go to every single home game either. Some do, but I simply cannot. I provide enough presence to be considered supportive by the general public and make my kids happy that I go to see them... and then happy that I don't go see them sometimes, too.

I don't know how people have the time to go to all of their kids' events. My daughter is in volleyball and she has practice after school every weekday for several months. If there isn't practice, it's because there's a game. Either way, it's an extra trip to town for me since she normally rides the bus. It's an extra 45 minutes - just driving and waiting - out of every day for me. If I go to a game, it's about three hours of my time. I could be doing productive things, like... anything!

Then there's the money you spend. All that driving costs gas money. Then there's:
  • Special shoes
  • Knee Pads
  • Another pair of knee pads because the first ones just didn't do right
  • Sweatpants
  • Jacket in team colors
  • Three pairs of shorts for practice
  • Athletic fee
  • Cost to get into games
  • Money for daughter for snacks before/during game
  • Water bottles required for practice or she has to run laps
  • A small gift for your "sister" partner for each game
  • A ball to practice at home with

Not even kidding. I'm prepared to start digging change out of the couch to pay for food.

Another reason I have the sports mom blues is the abandonment. I brought my other daughter. She sat with me all of about 15 minutes and I was glad to have the company. I decided to go to concessions and maybe surprise her with something. She did say she would be starving by the time the game was over. I spent approximately a thousand dollars on treats for us.

"Yes, I'll have a nachos supreme, a taco in a bag, a Cherry Coke and a root beer."
Teen response, somewhat audibly: Wah-wah-wa-wah-wah

"You're out of Cherry Coke? (figures, that was what I wanted.) Okay, I'll just take one root beer and we'll split it."
Teen response, somewhat audibly: Wah-wah-wa-wah-wah

"Yes, I want everything on both of those."
Teen response, somewhat audibly: Wah-wah-wa-wah-wah

"Ummmm, hmmmm. Liquid cheese or shredded? Hmmm. Yes, liquid cheese, please."

That sounds so gross now that I'm saying it out of context. Liquid cheese. Go ahead. Say it! It sounds gross, doesn't it? And yet, I want it slathered all over the food. Sigh - gates of hell, people - gates of hell.

I began calculating how to get my surprise back to my seat when my daughter suddenly appeared.

"Oh good, you can help me carry this."

Her response was less than desirable, "Ew, what is that?"

In an effort to make it seem more palatable, I replied enthusiastically, "Nachos supreme and a taco in a bag! You can choose whichever one you want. I thought I'd surprise you."

"I don't want anything right now anyway. I'm going downstairs."

I knew what this meant. I wouldn't see her for the rest of the night.

"Uh! I thought you were starving," I gently reminded her.

Apparently, she ate cookies in stealth mode before we left the house. No wonder it took her so long to go back into the house for that water bottle! Little sh... poopie head.

Great. I knew I had to eat all of the food myself or it would get soggy. Nobody likes soggy, liquid cheese infused chips. Nobody.

So, like a pig, I sat by myself and ate both the nachos supreme and the taco in a bag, which were essentially the same thing on a different bed of chips, feeling like a total dork, while my daughter holed up with her friends in a corner, oblivious. I slunked off to a less conspicuous spot to pig out.

After that, bored to tears, I wrote this blog post long-hand on the back of the only pieces of paper I could find in my purse, the back of a gas stamp card and a napkin. I silently wished I had brought my laptop or owned an iPad. My daughter played for all of about ten minutes an hour before and now I had to wait until all volleyball games for the other grades are complete before I could take her home... all six games. Sigh. Again.

Did you know it takes a really long time to write something like this long-hand?

And holy moly, my butt was killing me! I'd already been in pain from the other game I went to this week. My back, my aching back! I felt ninety. Old ninety. Not young, spry ninety. Sitting on a plank of wood for hours on end is definitely a chiropractor's dream. They ought to troll games and slingshot business cards into the crowd.

That's right. I not only write, but you can hire me as a marketing consultant as well. Come on, you know a chiropractor would be remembered if he walked up and down every row saying, "Your back will be killing you tomorrow." Then whispering and leaning in with the card pressed into your palm, "Call me." He winks as he walks away.

The hours drag on. I look up and pretend to care about the other games when I hear a lot of cheering or noise interrupting my writing. Suddenly, both daughters run up to me, "Mom, it's time to go!"

Whoops! Game is over? Hey... who won?

Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Meanest Letter, Ever!

Dearly Beloved,

With blind trust, I write this, hoping that you will heed my desired wishes. I'm not sorry to tell you that I do not want to help you with your charity project, even with the 20% commission incentive. Though I have never met you before, I can say that you repulse me.

Thank you for contacting me also about the investigation. I'm glad nobody else knows we are in communication. I am so sorry that huge amount of money has been laying dormant in your account unclaimed for so many years. Still, I don't want it. Stop trying to give it to me. I'm sure someone else would like your money. I can't - and won't - help you. Ever.

I know that you are fast, friendly, and flexible, but I do not need your low rate interest loan or fast money. No fast money. No dirty money. No money, no money, no money!

It is terrible that you are a widow and that you have colorectal cancer and heart disease which cannot be cured, but I still do not wish to take the distribution of your wealth. Furthermore, I don't care about your cancer. Really. And I don't care if you think that's mean of me to say.

I do not wish to come together with you, Abdul, and "reason what you have to share with me." Your trade and the important role I play in its $186 million is of little concern to me. I have bigger fish to fry. Go jump off a Nigerian cliff. I have laundry to do.

I am not in the market for a new car today and if I were, a stranger sending me an e-mail would be the last place I'd start looking. Leave me alone!

It is fantastic that I have won the Yahoo Microsoft Euro Lottery. Heck, I don't even remember entering! However, you can keep your money and shove it where the sun don't shine, brother.

Wow, thanks for quoting me some scripture in your Western Union message. It is great that you cannot deceive me because your Bible says, "What shall it profit a man to gain material things and lose your soul?" You are very insightful, but your guilt trip is not working. Keep thumbing through that book, though, charlatan.

Additionally, thank you for paying the fee for my bank draft so my DHL package can be delivered. Whew! I wonder what is coming from Britain for me? Still, I do not feel comfortable giving you a copy of my driver's license. Shove it, mister!

I am so glad you contacted me about the problems with my PayPal, Chase, and other bank accounts I didn't even know I had. If I want to re-activate them and verify my information, I will go through their actual site and I would never be caught dead clicking on a link you sent me in your faked e-mail. Bite me!

Sincerely yours,
Cindy Brown (a.k.a. Fed up with my daily junk mail folder contents!)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Hello, 2013!

Hello to the new year! I hope all of you had plenty of time to enjoy sitting around in your Everyday Underwear enjoying your Christmas vacation and New Year's festivities and everyone had a safe and happy holiday season. I did!

Some writing excitement for the holiday season was being chosen as a finalist in a contest put on by Firepole Marketing, "Awseome Engagement Strategies" in which I was one of fifteen finalists chosen to receive a chance at cash and sessions with Danny Iny. It kind of feels pretty rockin'!

My chances at winning are based on folks reading, sharing, commenting, etc. so I'm asking for your engagement here. If you have a blog or small business with an online presence, you could benefit from some of my suggestions. Please read my post, being featured today. The next five days' engagement results determine the winners. It's a fun piece with some good tips, especially for newbie bloggers.

Will You Marry Me?

To start 2013 on my blog, I want to share with you my top humorous post from last year. It was from another contest. I didn't win, but obviously, the exposure I received was monumental. Contests can do more than just make you a winner. They can make you contenders in other arenas.

Do You, Would You, Could You Pee in the Shower?

So, do I? Sorry, you've gotta read to find out!

I have been so happy to know you all and call you my online peers and friends this past year. I wish every one of you the best 2013 and continued success. Thank you for reading my little blog. It's not over yet. Oh, no... it is soooo not over ;0)

Happy New Year!