Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Sing it, Sammy! I Can't Drive... 42 in a 30, According to the PoPo.

First, a note that due to an unfortunate hacking incident this week, there will be no Wednesday Woo-Hoo. I am just too far behind on life and you don't need more woo-hoo from me, you need more entertainment! My ratio is getting skewed. By now, you're probably reading those things going, "Blah, blah, blah - yah, yah, yadda - we know... you're frickin' awesome - AGAIN, Cindy, we know all about the awards and features already. Sheesh!"

And I agree. I'm sick of my own woo-hooiness. Therefore, any woo-hoos will be saved for next week and I think my spam problem is fixed. Please let me know if any of you receive spam from me, my blog, or my e-mail. Oh, and please don't make me cry like that one guy did. People can be so mean! I have feelings, here, you know.

So, let me get back to stark reality here. Last Wednesday morning was a rough one. I was up very late working on my computer, like 2 a.m. late, and my husband's alarm goes off around 4:30 a.m. I have to roust him out of bed almost every day and that day, I couldn't roust him because I myself apparently did not become rousted by the alarm either. My husband missed his carpool and had to drive himself and was late for work.

Then my daughter had cheer practice at 7 a.m. You heard me right. We live way out of town and have to leave at 6:30 a.m. to get her there early. She needs to get up at 5:00 to get ready. I had gotten up and made sure she was up to get ready and then I laid back down. I honestly was so tired, I felt like I had a hangover. At least there was no tiger in the bathroom, but seriously, that's about how tired I felt - as though I had tied a good one on the night before.

I overslept by about five minutes and usually my daughter is in my face if I am not ready to go. Not that day! She had gone back to bed and wasn't even ready. We both frantically grabbed things. She got ready in the car on the way to town and I didn't brush my hair or teeth and hadn't put on a bra. I just threw a jacket over the shirt I had slept in and we ran out the door. I couldn't wait to get back home and go back to bed.

I was literally a few blocks from my destination when I glanced in my rear view mirror. I saw this:

At first glance, I thought, "Uh-oh, emergency lights! I'd better get out of the way." Then I realized it wasn't an ambulance, but a police cruiser, a.k.a. "The PoPo." Then I realized he didn't need me to get out of the way for an emergency, he needed me to pull over so he could speak to me about - well, something.

I hadn't been pulled over in many, many, many years and I had kind of forgotten what the protocol was. I took my seat belt off and prepared to get out and greet him and then realized I wasn't supposed to do that. So then my seat belt was off and I was afraid I'd get a ticket for that, even though I had it on to begin with. I was scared that if he saw me put it back on, he'd think I was just now putting it on. I left it off and said a little prayer.

He walked up (finally) and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I really didn't, but I was hoping I had a tail light out. "I really don't," I sheepishly replied. "Was I speeding?"

He pointed behind him, quite agitated, and spat a little too loudly, "Didn't you see me back there?"

I hadn't. Not at all. I can't lie, so I said, "No, I'm sorry, I really didn't."

"Running late for something?" he asked.

"Yes, my daughter has to be at cheer practice at 7:00 and we overslept. How fast was I going?"

"Forty-two in a thirty. Did you know that was a thirty mile an hour zone?"

"No, I sure didn't," I honestly replied.

"License and proof of insurance and I'll write you a warning," he said.

I swear, on any normal day, my license would be right on top, but noooo. I had to dig and dig and finally take all of my cards out to find it and my daughter had trouble finding the insurance card in the glove box. Of all days! I really must get more organized. "I'm going to jail..." I thought.

I was proud of myself for not shaking uncontrollably, crying like I did the first time I got pulled over at 17 years old, or cursing. Wow, I really had matured over the years! I was so proud...

I had come to the realization while he was doing his thing that I looked like a hot mess. Good lord, I not only felt hung over, I looked hung over! No makeup, not bathed, and no bra! Yes, I have ample boobage, but unbridled melons are not a pretty sight at 42 unless I'm naked, which I wasn't, so that wasn't going to help me. I pulled the jacket tightly closed and hoped he wouldn't make me stand up. Thankfully, he didn't.

He handed me - nothing. He started to walk away with a kind word and warning to slow it down and I said, "Aren't you going to give me a copy of the warning?"

He said, "No, not unless you want one."

I said, "Well, I'm a great record keeper, but if you say I don't need one, just keep it!" I had always received a copy of my warnings/tickets. Granted, there haven't been many. My driving record is pretty good. I even get those special thingies from my insurance saying how great of a driver I am, accident and ticket free and all. But... there's always a but, now isn't there?

Ever since we moved to the middle of nowhere from the middle of somewhere two years ago, I haven't felt "under the law." I know, it sounds strange, but we are so far in the boonies that I honestly felt a little above-the-law-Deliverance-ignorance going on. When we lived in somewhere, I followed every law of driving to the letter! All except for driving with my knees sometimes, which is a special skill I possess.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like wearing my seat belt all the time anymore. I didn't feel like paying attention to speed limits. I felt free! I hadn't been bothered by the cops either -- until last Wednesday when my reign of lackadaisical behavior came to a screeching halt. Dang you, reality! How dare you screw up my fantasy?

So, back to miss goody-two-shoes I go! Seat belt always in place. Speed limit closely watched (thirty miles an hour ought to be illegal - sooooo slow), and looking out for the PoPo. I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. I'm a frickin' famous blogger, mister badge! Oh, how I make myself LOL... My fame didn't save my daughter either. She had to run laps for being late to cheer practice.

This Wednesday, I want a do-over!

When was the last time you got slapped on the wrist by the PoPo and how did you react?


  1. You've got to love "those" days! I am glad you got out of a ticket though. (and out of running laps with the daughter. *grin*)

  2. Everybody has some bad days. It's how you handle those days that shows what kind of person you are. You're amazing! Love and Hugs!

  3. But no ticket, right? Here in NY that would be a $160 adventure! Actually, my wife got a $160 ticket for not wearing her seat belt and she was the passenger! I was driving and got nothing but aggravated, and poorer.

  4. I went for years and years without a ticket and then BAM I got two relatively close together: speeding and running a red light (the cop was right behind me and I didn't even see him...talk about lackadaisical). I think there's something about getting older that makes us feel more immune to "the law." When I was younger I was always more worried about getting caught.

    But I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt. It's an automatic reflex when I get in the car....

  5. Thrifty Crafty GirlJuly 17, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    I haven't been pulled over since I was 16 years old... I wonder if I would cry or if it would be like on 'Cops' and I take the police on a high-speed chase before crashing and then being wrestled to the ground, proclaiming my innocence. Either way, it will be a fun day.

  6. Just chalk it up as "One of THOSE Mornings".

  7. It totally was! I always know I'll laugh about it later, though. And blog about it.

  8. I have always been a huge seatbelt proponent since I had a wreck that I'm pretty sure would have killed me if I hadn't been wearing it. That's why I have been shocked to not feel the need to wear it! It's strange how we can change over time. And you are right, we're probably more worried about these things when we're younger and they do look at the younger ones more closely.

  9. Brian, I know! I was sitting there waiting on him thinking, "Oh crap, how much is this going to cost me?"

  10. Thanks so much. All we can do is laugh sometimes and make lemonade out of those lemons, LOL!

  11. I just have to look at all of my trials and tribulations as "material" from here on out. That's much more fun.

  12. I was going 70 in a 45 because I was running late to a friend's homecoming from Afghanistan. I was TERRIFIED that I wouldn't be allowed on base, was going on about three hours of sleep, and had endured a nasty break up with my ex the night before. To make it worse, this was New Year's Day 2012. Well, I'm in Surf City, NC which is ALMOST to Camp Lejeune and I start hearing sirens. I thought it was this music I was listening to. Then, notice blue lights. My first thought was "Oh shit". Naturally, I pulled over and we went through the whole routine. When I told him where I was going and that I have a perfectly clean driving record (despite being 20 years old), he let out a sigh. These were his exact words: "Ma'am, I really don't want to write this ticket. But, technically your license should be revoked. However, here is what I'm gonna do: I'm writing it that you were going 70 in a 55 and am going to suggest that you talk to the DA about traffic school. Your mom won't have to find out unless you choose to tell her. It won't go on your insurance or anything." Needless to say, I thanked him profusely. As for my friends homecoming, well, they weren't exactly on time and thought the fact that I got a speeding ticket was hilarious! Never had one since.

  13. For the record, this is the only traffic violation that I have ever received. It scared the living shit out of me.

  14. Oh, Kate! What a day you had! I bet you were shaking like a leaf. I would have been! What a nice PoPo, also ;0)

  15. The last time I can remember being pulled over, I had woken up early, feeling miserable, to drive the hubs to work, which was a good ways from the house. His car was in the shop, finances were tight, and I had battled a migraine the night before.

    The flashing lights in the rear view set my anxiety off, and by the time I pulled over and rolled down my window, my hands were shaking. When the officer started talking, I felt the tears welling up (at the time, I did not cry easily).

    He asked if I was okay, in a very kind tone, and that was it. I just started bawling. I wasn't trying to manipulate the situation, I was just so exhausted that I lost control.

    Needless to say, I got off with a warning. :)

  16. Awwww! I have had those days, too. I know I am beyond physically exhausted when I bawl like that under stress. I'm glad he was nice to you and just gave you the warning.

  17. Many years ago, a very irate cop pulled me over at the bottom of a hill, just over the town line, for supposedly going 52 in a 35 zone. I knew for certain I was at 45 - coming down the hill where the speed limit was 40.

    I asked if he had calibrated his radar that morning, which pissed him off because (I assume) he had not. He pointed angrily up the street and said, "I clocked you flying down that hill at 50."

    I said sweetly, "You mean the hill that is still in Town A, and where the speed limit is 40?" (We were in Town B, so he had no jurisdiction over the hill).

    I thought I went too far when he stomped off to his car, but he came back with a warning ticket, so that proves I was right all along.

  18. I was pulled over in April for speeding through Hooterville
    Barney Fife pulled me over and gave me the speal. I offered him one of my donuts but he said he already ate one.

  19. Cindy, you and I have something in common - ample boobage! If I wasn't wearing a bra when being stopped by the cops that's what I would think about too!! I got a ticket last week and I had a co-worker in the car, and of course I couldn't find the registration - I kept pulling out of my glove compartment expired registrations and one for my husband's car. It's so stressful. Well at least you only got a warning!!! Lisa

  20. Yet another example of the "I'm glad I'm not alone" club! Except I always throw away my old registration and insurance cards when I put the new ones in - so I don't have to do exactly what you did! And I try to keep it cleaned out so I don't have to search so much. You never know when you're going to be in an accident or something and stressed and panicked enough without having to search for those things.

  21. Ah, how we all love donuts. I would always get a kick out of running into the local sheriff at the donut shop in my old town. I'd always think, "How cliche!"

  22. Haha! You've got some cahones, Cindy Dwyer!

  23. Becky Green AaronsonJuly 20, 2012 at 2:36 PM

    The fact that you could still find humor on a day like this speaks volumes. Life if full of ridiculous days, but thank god the fab ones far outnumber the wonky ones. :-)

  24. There are days when I appreciate my sense of humor so very much! If I can laugh at myself/the situation, it makes it tolerable!