Sunday, September 29, 2013

My Reason For Disliking Miley Cyrus' Behavior Might Surprise You

Everybody's talking about her. Who? The tongue-wagging, twerking, titillating (yeah, pun absolutely intended) Miley Cyrus. Everyone has an opinion an I am no exception. I just feel the need to explain mine so that you understand where it comes from. In this understanding, you will know me and be able to relate to me better as a person, like it or not.

I judged her harshly while others in social media defended her and lifted up praises to her holy name, screaming, "She is woman, let her roar!"

My reaction (screamed aloud at the television) was more along the lines of, "Holy... what the hell? Miley, you slut!"

We don't always watch the Video Music Awards at our house, but decided to catch it this year. When my twelve and fifteen year old girls told me excitedly, "Mom, Miley Cyrus is on," I was anxious to see her. I was anxious, that is, until the minute she stuck her tongue out, which I think was about two seconds into her arrival on stage.

We all know what happened after that. More tongue, more twerk, more Uhh - Mah - Gawd!
Yes, Miley, I see your tongue. Now, put it back where it belongs, young lady! I hate it when little kids try to lick me and now I'm terrified of ever meeting you in person. You say you stick your tongue out all the time because you don't like to smile? What are you, four years old?
Yes, Miley, I see you pointing at your va-jay-jay. I know you're a big girl and we don't have to spell the word s-e-x around you anymore. I get it. You're not a virgin and you want the world to rally around your public pubic point-a-thon.
Yes, Miley, I see you simulating a sexual position with that poor little Thicke boy. You have now somehow ruined the image I have of his father and the fond memories I have of watching him on TV when I was young. I'm not even sure how you did that to me, but you somehow put ick all over anything Thicke. Shudder!
Yes, Miley, I saw your new video for Wrecking Ball and no, it does not remind me in the least of the Sinead O'Connor Nothing Compares 2U video. As I recall, she didn't seductively lick a thing, much less a sledgehammer, in order to get me to like her. Phallic symbolism, anyone? Cough, cough. Ahem. Furthermore, Sinead did not get nekkid and straddle a giant metal ball (poor set cleaning lady, ewww) on a chain in order to show me her vulnerabilities.
Sinead's was art. Yours was tart.
Okay, so there was my opinion. Now the surprising part.
I really like Miley Cyrus and I still consider myself a fan of her work. I think she is extremely talented. I love her music and her acting ability. I love the ever-so-rebelliousness of her lyrics doing what they want to whomever they want, whenever they want. You're right, Miley. It's your mouth, your house, your life party and you CAN do what you want with it and it's okay.
So why am I coming off like a hater? Let's look at some options:
  1. I'm a religious nut, judging Miley unfairly. Nope!
  2. I'm afraid she'll influence my teen and tween age girls. Negative!
  3. I'm jealous because she's got better boobs than me. No way! I've got curves, girls...
  4. I'm a goody-two-shoes and have never seen such atrocities... my eyes, my eyes! Wrong again.
The truth is, I don't like Miley's behavior because she reminds me of... well... a younger version of me.
Miley is... my mini-me!
I should clarify that I don't behave that way anymore. But oh my sweet baby Jesus, she reminds me of exactly where I was so many years ago. I was no better. I acted sleazy, rebellious, filthy; and I was proud of myself.
I cursed like a sailor. I showed too many strangers my body parts. I tried to be seductive, thinking it would gain respect and make me feel... loved. I was pathetic, lost, broken.
And I had no idea.
Video footage of my ultimate immature period of life would put Miley's to shame. My hope is that all persons possessing such video footage have passed on or become morally accountable to a higher power and have burned the evidence. There were no teddy bears involved, but there were definitely beer bongs and fellow girls gone wild in attendance. And I... wanted to be their queen.
Now, so many years later and after tons of soul-crushing therapy, I know that deep hurts caused my behavior. These were painful events so deep that I couldn't even understand their depth or form them into intelligent thought patterns.
Don't worry. There will be a book someday.
The point is, I am now embarrassed about how I behaved and I feel that it's probable that Miley will someday regret her actions. And as I well know, you can't take them back.
Am I glad I went through all of the things I went through in my life to get where I am today? You bet! I know I wouldn't be who I am without going through rape, divorce, betrayal and all of the life tragedies I endured.
My loathsome past actions are part of my metamorphosis into who I have become today. I am still proud of myself no matter what I did.
I just don't want to have to see Miley go through what I went through. I worry about what happened to drive her to the same extreme outward manifestations of pain I displayed.
For me, it seemed fun at the time. In retrospect, it was just a sad representation of my lack of self worth and my need for attention and love, at whatever crazy and humiliating cost.
I'm angry with her. I'm disappointed. I'm afraid she might not go through this period, but get stuck in it instead. I'm afraid she's in with the wrong crowd and can't find an escape route because she isn't looking for one. She probably doesn't even know she needs it. It's hard to see through the clouds of misconception.
I know how it works. I loved it. The attention made me popular, but at what cost? In the end, the payoff was short-lived and I paid dearly with my pride.
I scream at her because she is a previous version of me. I wanted someone who genuinely cared for me to scream at me and tell me I was doing wrong. But I wouldn't have listened. I would have only labeled them a hater.
Me. A hater of my former self? Am I allowed to do that? Yes, in my own home. But face to face, I would give her advice if she asked for it. I'd give her counsel. I'd give her my love.
Have you ever yelled at your children for their childish choices and ways? Do you still love them?
Miley, I love you, but that doesn't mean I have to like you right now.
Peace, out.
Tongue, out.
Rant, out.
I hope you understand.


  1. Let me just say I'm glad there was no internet when I was in my early twenties.

  2. Hi Cindy. Hopefully she'll heed your advice and find her way. In the meantime, you can be a strong role model for your daughters, and ensure they stay on the right path!!!

  3. Omg, fabulous post, Cindy! You've been there. That video was pedophile like. She doesn't look old enough to wear a bra! Nicely written!

  4. I think there's a time in everyone's life where we are blind to how we are acting or where it will lead us. Then years down the road we look back and think, "What was I thinking?"

  5. I feel terrible for these young entertainers who in acting out–as teens are won't to do–leave themselves vulnerable to never being able to live down their youthful indiscretions. The push to be ever more provocative has been part of the scene forever, but what was once a story in a magazine or reported in a quickie soundbite over the airwaves, is now forever available, searchable, and sharable. No one would ever accuse me of being a prude, but I too was disturbed by her licking the sledge hammer, it just wasn't wasn't sexy and worse wasn't relevant. That's what really pisses me off though, the song is pretty good and the video makes no sense. It's like a cookbook with a romance cover. It's just wrong.

  6. I know, Lynne! She explains licking the sledgehammer by saying it represents the fact that she still somewhat liked the pain of the relationship, even though it wrecked her. What? Really? Licking a sledgehammer conveys that how exactly? Ugh. Everything she does right now is designed to be overtly sensual. I'm sure every red-blooded straight man in America wants to bang little miss Bangerz right now. I don't want my kids thinking that's normal, acceptable, preferable behavior for a young adult, but perhaps it is now. I'm no prude either, but I do not consider her to be pushing the envelope in the same way as Madonna, Britney, and Gaga. I keep trying to tell my kids it isn't right, but they are still entranced by her, even though they do understand my point. She can be cool and awesome without throwing her coochie in my face and making me worry that my husband is having wet dreams about her. Really...

  7. I don't mind when child stars grow up, but couldn't we have had a little more transition time? Seems like just yesterday that we were watching Hanna Montana. It makes me sad.

  8. Yeah, I think things out a lot farther than some people do. Thank God I have a blog as an outlet for my thought explosions.

  9. I try, but I sometimes wonder if media will trump mother, you know?

  10. Yes, and the video footage of me is probably in a format you can't easily put on the internet, LOL. Thank God for technology changes making things obsolete!

  11. Did you see Sinead O'Connor's letter to her?

  12. I had not! Thank you for posting this link! Her site is so bogged, you can't even navigate it right now, but apparently she has written a few things about it. Wow! I agree with her 100% and am giving her a virtual thumbs up, high five, fist bump, chest bump, hug, etc. She is right on the money, honey!

  13. " I'm sure every red-blooded straight man in America wants to bang little miss Bangerz right now. "

    Welllllll - not quite EVERY red-blooded straight man. Sheesh! She's younger than my kids even.

    I didn't have the misfortune to sit through the VMA's (I'm sure I was watching repeats of NCIS or football instead), but the parts of it I saw in the aftermath I thought were terribly distasteful and not 'entertaining' at all.

  14. Yes, Brian, as another blogger pointed out (about the juxtaposition between Miley and Gaga performances at the VMA's), lady Gaga was barely clothed at the end of her performance, yet it remained entertaining, tasteful, and artistic throughout somehow. Miley did put a bad taste in my mouth. Thank goodness there are people with integrity left in this world, like you, who aren't having lustful thoughts about her. I just feel that it's a travesty that this is the image she wants to put out there. She is a role model to our teenage children because of Hanna Montana whether she likes it or not, but there is no resemblance to that former persona. She is quite happy to be the opposite of that. I fear that my kids will think, "Well, after I'm 18, I go completely wild for a while and be as trashy and provocative as I've ever thought about being and I can do it in front of the whole world and still get number one hits and be a huge star... THEN I can grow up... if and when I want to." I really think she's so talented, but her trashiness right now is not making a good impression. Like I said, I hope she gets through this and gains everyone's respect back. She's a young lady with a lot to learn about life, like I once was. I regret ever acting that way, but perhaps she won't. In that case, I just wish her the best. But personally, I will tire of her soon if she stays in this mode for too long. Right now, I still have hope for her ;0)

  15. You're welcome - and thanks for your comment. I figured if I was going to slam her, the least I could do was explain why. On a surface level, it can be difficult to understand my point of view at times :)

  16. I know, Jayne, it totally IS working for her and I knew it would. As humans, even if we're totally grossed out, we still want to stop and gawk at a wreck, don't we? I've heard it said that the best press for a struggling public figure to gain interest is bad press. Enquiring minds want to know. We are humans. We're interested in the gossip and the dirt. I hope she enjoys her dolla billz, dolla billz, all the way to the bank. She is right when she says in her song, "....only God can judge ya..." so I assume she believes she is acting in a way pleasing to the big guy in the sky. Her marketing is working, but at what personal expense? Is she selling her soul in order to profit millions? Hmmm, maybe I should get nekkid for my next blog post and say the F-word a lot. Ha ha. Um, no. LOL, not gonna happen! If I ever do that, you'll know I'm drunk or having a brain aneurysm.

  17. You know, she's really not doing anything any worse than Madonna. Hell, I'm old enough to remember the outrage when Elvis humped his pelvis! :)

  18. Elvis... wow, how times have changed! I think she would make Elvis blush. I always liked Madonna, though, and didn't get put off by her behavior for some reason, but I was looser then. I should look and see if Madonna has written any open letters to Miley. I still have to agree with Sinead O'Connor's outrage. I don't know - maybe it's because I have children now, but Miley's actions just really get to me. Damned maturity! LOL!

  19. I get it (as someone who did some pretty crazy stuff in her youth...similar to yours) and at the same time I say, who are we to take away the thrill of personal growth that can ONLY come from that place?? The place of "Am I glad I went through all the things in my life to get to where I am today? You bet!" We can not put ourselves in her shoes and shaming her, in any way shape or form is only a projection of our own shame. I'm not gonna play that game. Oh, and check out Amanda Palmer's open to letter to Sinead :-)

  20. Yes, I realize I couldn't shame her if I tried. I have watched many interviews with her since then and she is totally comfortable with herself. You were totally correct about my post - it was a projection of my own shame and that is how I intended it to be. I read Amanda's letter (long!) and I agree with a lot of what she says. I was never a role model or child start, so I cannot imagine what it was like for Miley, but I still have problems with the way she is acting. Although I'm not sorry I did what I did, I am regretful. I guess there are 100 shades of gray to how people feel about such issues. I'm just a gal with an opinion. I put it out there... repeatedly... lol - and I take whatever comes back to me like a trooper. Miley is taking it all very well, I must say.

  21. Thank you for so poignantly sharing your story...but I struggle to find the level of empathy that you have shown towards Miley's behaviors because I think unlike you (and forgive me for making this assumption) but Miley has the benefit of millions of dollars in her life, so she can do whatever she wants - she has privilege. So no, she really doesn't need to display the amount of "tartness" that she has - she is incredibly talented. And I will also agree with you in that yes, it probably says a whole a lot about the context of her life...but she has some power in this situation... I'm more inclined to believe she just likes the notoriety

  22. It was a smart marketing move, wasn't it? Her fame has skyrocketed, but at what price, I wonder? I hope she cleans up her act a little because I really love some of her new songs. I want to have respect for her as well as for her talent.