Bird's Eye View From The Birth Canal

Okay, admit it. You missed my twisted sense of humor. You crave the next cerebral explosion of Cindy Brown's grey matter. It's okay. I will once again deliver a delightfully strange tale.

Today, we go on a journey through the birth canal. It all started with a dream I had recently. I know, I know -- it's possible you still may not have recovered from the Alan Alda dream yet, but I promise this is equally intriguing.

It was a night like any other night. Boy, if that didn't sound like the worst first line ever from a bad novel. But really, it was just an everyday underwear kind of day. You know, brush your teeth, go to bed, fall asleep. Really inane. But then, the dream came upon me. Gives me a shiver just thinking about it.

I dreamed that my ex-boyfriend was stalking me. There is absolutely no reason for me to fear this, so the dream started out as extremely illogical. In the dream, I had a current beau defending me against this particular ex. Again, this is crazy because I am happily married and I have no idea who this beau in the dream was except that he looked a little like that skinny little scientist guy from LOST, which is silly because I dislike beards.

Anyway, when the beau wasn't looking, the ex came up to me with a cell phone and said, "If we had a baby together, I'd want it to look like this," and shoved the phone's display in my face. The image I saw was of a woman, man, and child peering into the screen with those big caricature "awww" Puss-In-Boots eyes. That in itself isn't so strange. What was strange was that my dreaming mind interpreted that scene as the family portrait being viewed through the eyes of a baby being birthed. It was sort of a bird's-eye-view-from-kitchen-table-height kind of thing.

Yeah. That's what I said. So then it somehow translated into the realization that the picture had to have been taken by the actual baby, which of course is impossible, so how did they do that?! Okay, so upon waking, I was not even the least bit fascinated by the stalking ex part of the dream, but the compelling thought of how that baby got that photo. Then it dawned on me. It must have been new technology where the doctor puts a camera on the baby's head in utero and voila! -- baby films it's own family members as it is coming out of the birth canal!

I am actually shocked that they haven't done this birthing technique already. I told you, I'm an idea generator like you wouldn't believe, even with the most bizarre things. So the task then became analysis of the dream idea. Usually I can figure out where a dream came from if I think about it hard enough. There are obscure little triggers in everyday life that include themselves almost undetected, but most of the time, I can connect the dots. I still have no idea where Alan Alda came from in the wearing the bra to bed post, but I digress.

After a little thought, I had to laugh at myself. Thankfully, that happens a lot. It finally clicked that I had seen an MSN video teaser right before going to bed. It was about a couple attaching a camera to the end of their dog's stick and it of course recorded the action. That explained it! The stalking ex, oddly coupled beau, and the fact that I had no idea who was having the baby or who the people in the picture were... well, that must have been due to the pickled eggs I ate for lunch that day. What an entertaining journey through my grey matter that turned out to be, even for me! It wears me out just trying to figure out what my mind is thinking. So I ask, do you analyze your crazy dreams or just dismiss them? Freud it? Or forget it?