Sunday, February 12, 2012

I Blame the Bubbas

I have moved to the country. And when I say country, I mean country. You can tell if you live in the country by what you find on the road when you take a walk. While walking my dogs down to the creek recently, I found the following items:
  1. A shotgun shell
  2. Eight beer cans
  3. One pair of mismatched socks
These items weren't present just two days prior, so I knew they were recent. In my goody-goody opinion, guns and beer are not an appropriate combo. But then again, I have a marble fireplace and a taste for the finer things. I'd rather read a good book and have a nice glass of Merlot than shoot anything. None of the treasures found on my walk were my discarded items, obviously. So, with every “save the planet” fiber engrained in me, I picked the items up, placed them in a discarded bag I found, and carted them home to be disposed of in a more proper manner. I am civilized. I recycle.

I recognized the mismatched socks as my daughter's. Easy enough. Back home and into the wash they would go! She and our Great Pyrenees waded in the creek the day prior, so that explained that one, but I knew the shotgun shell and beer cans were not hers. That's the kind of thing camo wearing people would leave on the road. She would not wear camo. I'm pretty sure she's allergic to it, actually. She's thirteen and she does have a pink Daisy BB gun. She's not afraid to use it either! Probably not on a moving, living, breathing target, but I digress. Just because she may carry a gun occasionally to shoot ominous looking tree branches, she still would not wear camo. No, no, no! She would not don camouflage clothing even if you held a gun to her head. Mmmm, unless perhaps it was Hollister. Or the gun was Hollister and there was a matching camo bag or something.

The question remained, whose shotgun shells and beer cans were they? I suspect a Bubba. Bubbas wear camouflage clothing frequently. Furthermore, recycling isn't likely to be foremost in a Bubba's thought process. Additionally, a Bubba's preferred form of entertainment may include daily doses of shotgun shells and beer cans, tossed out of truck windows, and possibly with loud whooping and hollering robustly included. Bubbas may even transport these items around on their four-wheeler with an entourage of buddies following closely behind. The culprit might even be a local small-town policeman (off duty, of course) and appropriately named what else, but “Bubba”. Yep, I'm pretty sure that's who did it. I blame the Bubbas.

16 comments:

  1. Cindy,

    I saw the title of your post and assumed that it would be about Jewish grandmothers. But mine never wore camouflauge : ).

    Ruth Feiertag

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    1. That is too funny. Not being Jewish, I'm not sure what it means, but it's funny how things can be interpreted! I'm sure if I had a Jewish grandmother, I would have something funny to say about her too. LOL!

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    1. I must admit that I did actually chuckle out loud at Ruth's comment too! Then I immediately wondered what a "Bubba" meant to a Jewish person. Hmmmm. Note to self: Must do research for more smarts ;)

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  3. Really entertaining! I love that you daughter has a pink BB gun :)

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    1. Judy, we have a store called "Rural King" here in the boonies. It's the Super Wal-Mart for country folk. I can also get pink camo clothing there if I wanted to. Which I don't, LOL!

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  4. What kind of background would pink camo work against? Pink elephants?

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    1. The elusive pink feathered fashionisto, Sue Ann ;0)

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  5. A radio station up here in the north spent one morning calling donut shops in Texas asking if "Bubba" was there. It was surprising how many actually had a Bubba in residence at the time. They must really love their donuts.

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  6. Cindy,

    As a city girl who married a country boy, I feel your pain. But, unless you have shot a deer off your own deck (done) and reached into your fridge for that ziploc baggie full of what you thought were chopped tomatoes only to find out they were...gulp...deer embryos saved for the biology teacher because your son shot a pregnant doe for dinner....then darlin', you ain't in the country yet!

    And no, our kids are not named Bubba, lol. But I know that guy.

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    1. I have not shot a deer off the back deck, but my husband has. And deer embryos in the fridge? Not yet, but I'm surprised my husband hasn't tried to feed me such things - we eat things like ox tail around here. We did eat deer meat from a pregnant doe for dinner once and it was the best deer we ever ate. We theorize that it had higher fat content due to the pregnancy. We are in hunting territory out here for sure!

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